


Catastrophic; to Cello Suite No.1 in G Major

by Loki_ate_my_pudding



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Ending, End of the World, Sad, The Gut Feeling, calum knows, really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-17 06:10:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17554871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loki_ate_my_pudding/pseuds/Loki_ate_my_pudding
Summary: Calum wakes up, and feels like today is going to be the end.-fluff, very sad end--features an alternative ending, to prevent everyone from never ending depression-





	1. The End.

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on me and my mental illness, making me wake up every morning and feel like today is going to be my last day, or something bad is going to happen. To an extent, I wish it would, just so I’d stop feeling this way.  
> In this, Calum feels as I do everyday.

When Calum woke up, on January 27th, he felt the dread in his stomach like never before. He was 23, a fully grown man, only days after his birthday. He’d made three albums with his best friends, and his boyfriends, working on the fourth, as well as a huge impact on the fans that his band had, an impact in the music industry. 

Despite Calum’s successful life, and Luke’s, Mike’s, And Ashton’s too, he still woke up and knew somehow in the back of his head, hidden behind the newly dyed platinum hair, that today was the end.

He laid in the bed for a few extra minutes, more than his morning schedule really allowed him to, not entirely aware of the empty space around him. He only thought, that as today would be it, living in LA, with his boys, they’d be in the studio. Making music, the thing they’d always wanted to do. The thing that mattered more to him than breathing itself. 

Calum’s shower was extra short, cut down by the time he’d spent extra in his bed, sobbing into the pillow before he dragged himself to sob in the shower instead. The soap washed away the tears, but no scrubbing could get rid of the dread. It never would. 

His throat felt right when he saw his boys, eating breakfast together with wide smiles, a plate left out for him full of food he’d always loved. He felt his eyes water again. 

“Morning, Cal!” Ashton smiled at the younger man, and Calum wanted to smile back. He really really did. Instead, he just sat at his spot and watched his food with a right throat and uneasy stomach. 

He hadn’t meant to be so sad so early. He really didn’t want to, becaus she didn’t want to look his life long best friends and the loves of his life in the face and tell them that today was the last day. He could’ve been wrong, so so wrong, convinced by his anxiety that it was, but in reality, when he fell asleep, the next day, he’d wake up and be wrapped in their arms and the dread would be gone. He prayed for that to be true in his head, a silent, mind plea to the God he never really believed in. 

“You okay, Calum?” Michael asked, but he already knew the answer. “What’s wrong?” 

He choked on his own tightened throat then, a small gasp leaving his lips as he let the water in his eyes spill. “Guys-“ He choked a bit again, not wanting to tell them at all. He knew he had to. He couldn’t keep it from them. 

Maybe they’d want to do everything they never got the chance to do. Maybe they’d ditch the studio and decide to go sky diving, or cliff jumping, or try some weird new food. Maybe they’d want to stay home and cuddle, spending time with each other while they watched their favorite tv shows and movies one last time. 

Maybe they’d tell the world, tweet it out for everyone to know, that the world was ending, or at least their’s was. That this was the end of their story as 5 Seconds of Summer  

Or Maybe the boys would go on one last group date, pretend to be friends to the public eye like always, and being home a bottle of wine. Maybe they’d dance to the Beatles on their old record player, sipping from their cups together as they spent the last of the time tipsy and at ease. 

Calum shook his head, swallowing back his words and wiping his tears away. “I’m just sad today.” He answered, and none of the boys before him believed it, but none pushed for the truth. 

They each hugged him and whispered their own versions of “It’ll be okay”s in his ear, but each one felt like poison and bullshit. They ate their breakfast, and got ready for the day, and Calum realized that every maybe of their last day was gone, because he didn’t tell them this was it. 

He realizedthat the last thing they’d do together during the daytime was record music, and as sad as he was that they weren’t cuddling, or they weren’t getting wine drunk, he was still happy that they’d spend it doing what they loved. 

Calum wanted more than anything to doubt himself, when he stepped outside and saw how beautiful it was. The sun was shining. No clouds. Just smiles of people around them, and comforting hands on his back, but everything still felt like the dreadful undertone was there. “Guys-“

He said it again, a repeat of the table conversation, trying to bring himself to say it as he stopped on the way to the car, making Luke bump into his back and rub his chest a little. He shook his head, tears welling up again as Michael got infront of him. “You two go to the car. We’ll be right there.” He said, and Ashton and Luke hesitantly agreed. “Calum, please tell me what’s going on.” 

“Mikey-“ Calum cried, hugging him tight. The two had known each other since childhood. The longest. He didn’t want to let Michael go. “Mikey I love you.” 

“And I love you endlessly, Cal. What’s going on?” Michael asked with worried eyes. He hugged the smaller man back nonetheless, waiting for the next words. 

“Don’t call me crazy.” Calum whispered, and Michael promised he wouldn’t. He promised. Calum sucked in a deep breath. “Mikey, today is it.” 

“What do you mean?” Michael asked, stomach sinking anyway. He knew what calum meant. Of course he knew. Michael was never stupid. He just didn’t want to believe what Calum had said. “Please don’t tell me..,”

”Today is it. I woke up and I knew. Mikey I love you so much and I love Luke and Ash but I didn’t want to tell you guys because you’d change-“ Calum cried harder, and Michael wanted to stay silent and process, but he couldn’t. 

“We won’t change. We’re going to stay home, okay? We’ll cuddle up on the bed, pop a bottle, and we can watch you Disney moves, and Luke’s Mean Girls, And I’ll eat pizza and Ash can- fuck, Cal, just fuck!” Michael gripped his hair, squeezing his eyes shut right and biting down on his lip. “Fuck!” 

Calum sobbed silently, his hand over his mouth as Michael freaked out next to him. Ash and Luke came running now, out of the car and towards the crying men on the steps. 

They were silent, holding each other through the breakdowns, half unaware and the other aware a little too painfully. “Just- fuck.” Michael cried weakly, and Michael didn’t cry. He didn’t. 

It was quiet, and they went back inside, Ashton deciding silently that if both Michael and Cal were breaking down this badly before they even left, they couldn’t make it a day I the studio. Something was clearly wrong. “We don’t want to make things worse, but why are you both so upset?” 

And they spent the first two hours of their day sobbing together on the couch. 

-

At ten, they called the studio and informed them that they wouldn’t be coming today. That they were staying home due to sickness and needed a break. It wasn’t true, and Calum felt guilty watching his boyfriend lie to them all because of his stupid dread, but he knew he wanted this. He knew he wanted to be home with the three of them until the end. 

And he was. 

At noon, they ordered four pizzas, each with their favorite toppings and a side order of breadsticks just Incase one of them wanted any. Mean girls was put on first, and the four boys laughed despite the sadness. 

One rolled around, and the pizzas were almost gone, but the boys weren’t motivated enough to do anything but keep watching the movie until it ended, and then they just switched the dvd with Atlantis, and watched that one instead. 

At three, they moved to their bed, with two bottles of Chardonnay and all the junk food they had for sad days packed away in their cabinets. They cuddled on the bed, eating and drinking and watching some videos posted by fans. 

Four, and they put on a playlist of their favorite songs and danced through the sadness again, drinking from their cups just like Calum thought they would. 

Then, they realized that it truly was it. 

Calum looked out the window at the sunset, smiling softly and wishing this wasn’t the last one he’d see. He wished he had more. Wished he let himself enjoy more things, have more fun, and think about things less. He wished he knew in more advance. 

But he had to deal with the cards he’d been given. He could handle just a few more hours with the boys. He swore he could, but when it came down to it, he really wanted to cry. 

The four of them piled on the bed, surrounded by their junk food and bottles of water and soda. The Office played on their large tv, not that any of them were paying any attention. 

Calum was in the middle, squished between Ashton and Michael, with Luke sprawled out on top of them like usual. It felt normal, like how they always were, but they knew what was coming. They knew the normality would be gone in a few moments, before Calum could even suck in a good breath that could possibly rid his chest of the sulking feeling. He wanted to cry so bad, sob into the chest of Michael as hard as he could, or hold his boys down so tight, nothing could ever dream of taking them away.

He wanted to make them unstoppable and unendable. He wanted more than anything to change it.

But he couldn’t.  

“I love you. All of you.” Ashton said. “And I couldn’t imagine spending any of my time with anyone else.” 

Calum swallowed thickly. “I love you guys all too. I agree with Ash. You’re all my life, aside from music and the fans. I’d give everything for you three.” Michael said. Luke continued. 

“I love you guys so much. More than anything I’ve ever loved, or ever dreamed about loving.” 

“I’m sorry.” Calum whispered. “I wish I didn’t tell you guys but you had to know. It would’ve been different if we went to bed, thinking we’d see each other again tomorrow. We wouldn’t have been telling each other how much we love us. I’m so in love with each of you. Endlessly.” He said, and Ashton wiped his tears away like everything would be fine, and maybe tomorrow they’d wake up, but they all knew differently somehow. Maybe Calum’s intuition effected them, too. 

The goodbyes weren’t so much goodbyes as more of simple expressions of their love for each other. It was what they needed. It seemed right, better than a sob and ‘I’ll miss you guys’ because they knew, if there was an afterlife, they’d be together from the start. No waiting, no loneliness, just them. 

“We’re all in love. So, so in love.” Michael said, and Calum felt each of them, they all felt each other, as the Earth rumbled, and anxiety somehow didn’t fill them. 

They felt content and okay as everything went black. 

Together, so so in love. 


	2. The (not so real) End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternate end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this, is how I feel when I wake up the next day. 
> 
> Starts off the same as the first.

When Calum woke up, on January 27th, he felt the dread in his stomach like never before. He was 23, a fully grown man, only days after his birthday. He’d made three albums with his best friends, and his boyfriends, working on the fourth, as well as a huge impact on the fans that his band had, an impact in the music industry.

Despite Calum’s successful life, and Luke’s, Mike’s, And Ashton’s too, he still woke up and knew somehow in the back of his head, hidden behind the newly dyed platinum hair, that today was the end.

He laid in the bed for a few extra minutes, more than his morning schedule really allowed him to, not entirely aware of the empty space around him. He only thought, that as today would be it, living in LA, with his boys, they’d be in the studio. Making music, the thing they’d always wanted to do. The thing that mattered more to him than breathing itself.

Calum’s shower was extra short, cut down by the time he’d spent extra in his bed, sobbing into the pillow before he dragged himself to sob in the shower instead. The soap washed away the tears, but no scrubbing could get rid of the dread. It never would.

His throat felt right when he saw his boys, eating breakfast together with wide smiles, a plate left out for him full of food he’d always loved. He felt his eyes water again.

“Morning, Cal!” Ashton smiled at the younger man, and Calum wanted to smile back. He really really did. Instead, he just sat at his spot and watched his food with a right throat and uneasy stomach.

He hadn’t meant to be so sad so early. He really didn’t want to, becaus she didn’t want to look his life long best friends and the loves of his life in the face and tell them that today was the last day. He could’ve been wrong, so so wrong, convinced by his anxiety that it was, but in reality, when he fell asleep, the next day, he’d wake up and be wrapped in their arms and the dread would be gone. He prayed for that to be true in his head, a silent, mind plea to the God he never really believed in.

“You okay, Calum?” Michael asked, but he already knew the answer. “What’s wrong?”

He choked on his own tightened throat then, a small gasp leaving his lips as he let the water in his eyes spill. “Guys-“ He choked a bit again, not wanting to tell them at all. He knew he had to. He couldn’t keep it from them.

“I feel off about today.” He cried a bit, wiping his eyes. “So, so off. I feel like we won’t be here tomorrow. Like today is it.” 

Ashton felt his heart break a little in his chest, seeing Calum cry like that. He moved over to him, hugging him tight through his tears. “Cal, hunny, it’s your anxiety. You’re okay. We all are. We will be.” He assured him, kissing the top of his head of wild curls. 

Michael was next, pulling Calum just as close and pressing his lips to Calum’s forehead. “Don’t you worry, Cal. We’ll take today off, okay? How about we do something to take your mind off it, and not think. We can go to the mall, or we can go out to eat?” 

Luke came behind him, hugging him and Michael both. “We’re here, And we’re okay, Cally. We promise. Let’s do what Mikey said, we can do both, and stop wherever you want. It’ll be a treat Calum day!” 

Ashton smiled at his supportive boyfriends, watching as Calum’s cries slowly subsided. “We can. We’ll have a Calum day today.” 

Calum shook his head, not crying but still feeling just as off. “Can we make it an us day too? I don’t want it to be about me. Just us. In case I’m right about this feeling, in case today is the last day we have. Just us. Please?”

And none of the men could say no to Calum’s puppy eyes while he begged them to make it less about him. Ashton nodded to him, and he smiled weakly, and he prayed to every god in every religion he could remember that they’d be okay, and that today wouldn’t be their last. 

The four boys got ready in their best clothes, for a them day, together. “The mall, the plaza, some food, then we can stop and get some junky snacks and wine and come back home and watch Disney moves, sound good?” 

Calum nodded with a little sniffle, pulling his bomber jacket on over Michael’s hoodie. Ashton hugged him again, kissing his nose. “Calm down, Love. I promise you, today is not the day. You’re stuck with us for a while.” 

Calum wanted to believe him so bad, but his intuition told him otherwise. 

“After today, maybe we should look into getting you an appointment about your anxiety. I know how bad it’s been since tour ended and we’ve started writing again. I promise, I’ll do everything in my power to help you as much as I can to feel better.” Ashton said, resting his head on top of Calum’s while the younger pressed his fast to Ashton’s chest. 

“I’m so in love with you. Endlessly.” Ashton whispered. 

And Calum felt like he was. 

The men stayed true to their words, because Calum was having such a great time shopping with his goofy boyfriends, that he didn’t even feel the dread. Ashton in a ridiculous clown mask in the year round Halloween store had Calum almost pissing himself with laughter. 

Calum loved the boys he was with. He wouldn’t trade them for a thing, especially when Luke bought him an over abundance of cute socks with dogs on them. “If Cal can’t decide which dog he wants on his sock, than he gets all the dogs on all the socks.” He’d told Ashton, taking one pair of each dog sock on the rack. “Maybe we can get someone to print Duke on a pair of socks!” 

The boys laughed, Calum now carrying another bag filled with socks. They each got stuff, probably more than they needed, but if spending was what took Calum’s mind off the anxiety, than the boys agreed they could spend their lives with empty wallets. 

After the mall, they’d gone to a plaza with stores that the mall lacked, and did nothing but spend more money on stuff. Calum was smiling so wide, his eyes crinkled at the edges and all his boy’s hearts melted at the sight. “Now, food. Where too, my loves?” 

Calum’s input was Olive Garden, and of the boys wanted to go anywhere else, they wouldn’t dream of contradicting Calum on (Calum’s day) their day. The four sat in the restaurant, smiling like dorks at each other like usual. 

They ordered and ate, and everything seemed normal, until Calum got I the car and remembered why they were doing this all in the first place. Luke instantly gripped his hand, almost like he knew Calum had reminded himself of the dread. They stayed silent to avoid worrying Ash and Mikey. 

Ashton stopped at Walmart, so they could stock up on all their (Calum’s) favorite junk foods and drinks, to spend the rest of their night cuddling on the bed and watching funny movies. 

And they did just that, with Calum In between Michael and Ashton, and Luke sprawled on top, and everything felt right to three of them. The movies played on, and they all said they loved each other one more time before they let themselves fall asleep, one at a time. 

Michael was the last one, with Calum, Luke breathing slow and Ashton letting out cute snores. “I still feel it, Mikey. I’m still convinced. I’m so sorry I couldn’t tell you how in love I was with you before.” 

“Cal, we’re going to live and be okay.” Michael tried to convince him. 

“I’m so in love with you.” He continued. “Luke and Ashton too, but I can’t imagine life without you.” 

“Get some rest, Pup, tomorrow we’re going to write some wonderful music and our fans will love us again next month and the month after.” Michael said. He kissed Calum’s forehead, then his lips with a small, hopeful smile. “Sleep, lovely.” 

Calum closed his eyes. “I’m in love with you. Endlessly.” 

“As am I, Cal.” 

And when Calum woke up the next morning to a bed full of his boyfriends, all smiling at him with happy eyes, he cried for a different reason. 

“We’re all in love with you too, Calum. Endlessly.” 

That day they spent together again, relaxing, and so, so in love. 


End file.
